And another thing…

I forgot I had this blog.

80% of the time being an adult is pretty tricky. There was a time, pre-Canada, that things had little effect on me. I never over thought things, I just did them. Jobs were easier. There wasn’t as many rules and lists and probation. I started a job and did it. I was quickly thought of as reliable, and a good worker.

Then I experienced micromanagement for the first time. After quitting that job, I started a new one, only to get fired after two weeks because I, according to them, ‘couldn’t cut it.’ I subsequently landed a job as a box office manager at a comedy club. I worked unsociable hours and spent most of my time alone. I hated it.

Then I came home.

Except home hadn’t changed, I had. Sure, friends had settled down. That is expected of our age group. I needed to recharge my batteries anyway, so at first, it didn’t bother me. Then it became a challenge. People were not as available as they once were. I had gone from living a busy ex-pat life to one that came to a screeching halt. And little has changed.

It’s been over a year since I’ve returned. I fight a constant battle to keep myself occupied with an array of hobbies and interests. Since returning I’m on my second job , which on the surface is fun, however, a task as trivial as slicing lemons becomes ‘this isn’t how we slice lemons.’ I despair. It doesn’t matter. None of it does.

The people I work with are younger than me. Most of them are students. For most, this is probably their first job. They have certain degrees of responsibility. I call it the ‘McDonald’s Effect’ (based on the corporation’s penchant for awarding stars to give the illusion of responsibility, instead of a pay rise.) Give minimum wage workers a set of keys or a title, and they have power. Not a pay rise. Power.

At least they think they do.

When I had that false sense of power, I felt like I was making a difference and my ideas were important. When I entered more corporate office work, none of that mattered. I was at the bottom of the pile, my ideas didn’t matter. I went from having control to having none at all. It was a tough wake-up call.

Now, ten years on, I see it for what it is. None of it matters.

Just like the lemons.